My Unintentional Pain...

Unintentional.
That's the worse way to get hurt.
They don't even know you have feelings for them.
You start to like them,
they fall for someone else,
Isn't that how it usually goes?
...
For me,
It is.
No matter what I do,
how I act,
what I say even.
Nothing is going to change the way you see me.
Or feel about me.
I know I should just give up.
But, at this point in my life,
I've let you become a bigger part than I should have.
It was stupid of me,
reckless even.
To ensure I would just get hurt once again.
I keep talking to you.
In hopes that something will change.
...
Never does.
You're casual flirting,
and the way you speak to me.
I melt.
Under your influence.
You're my drug.
I need you to keep me alive.
You're nothing more than a simple guy to everyone else,
but to me,
you're my world.
I should not have let it advance to this.
In my case,
it was foolish.
Some call it hormones,
I call it a teenage girls soul.
One, which she would sell for anything in the world,
just to be with him.
Him:
His name,
Unique.
His voice,
amazing.
His eyes,
gorgeous.
Him.
My everything.
Me to him?
Just another girl that has fallen head over heels for him.
I'll be nothing more than that.
Just another girl.
One,
stupid girl.
This is just too much for me.
I need to move on,
get over you.
But, how do I do that when you're right there?
With me,
in my dreams...

And I feel as if I'm going insane. My body is numb, and my vision is blurred... But as I talk to you, I feel as if I'm being cured. Before you know it, I'm happy and joyous, and singing a song. But as always this doesn't last for very long. We run out of things to say, and as fast it came, it's sure to go. Every second of muteness is wasted by a period of thoughts unspoken. ...Thoughts unspoken, we both know something is being left unsaid. & until they come out, I will never know, how you feel about me, and if the way I feel about you is true.

My Senses.

My face:
Expressionless.
My voice:
No pitch.
My hearing:
Sinking.
My sight:
Blurred.
My touch:
Only felt around you.
...
You.
You're my addiction.
You're my cure.
You're the cause of my pain.
You're the reason I stay up late at night.
You're the only star in my sky.
You're the only man I see.
You.
You're the love of my life.

This might sound weird...

BUT.
I'm exceptionally happy that you're the one leading me on,
rather than someone else.
I know that's not the best thing to say.
But you're the one I would enjoy being with.
Yet, you don't want to be with me.
So, right now,
as hard as it is to say this...
I'm okay with that.
I'll stick with talking with you,
when you feel like talking.
(I will always feel like talking)
I won't message/call you first.
Only because I think it annoys you.
A few weeks ago,
You said some things that really made me think;
"Do you like me?"
"Can you see yourself with me?"
...
You say all these things.
But you never back them up.
One day, you act as though you like me,
and enjoy talking to me.
Even about the most ridiculous things.
The next,
you act like you don't want to be part of me at all.
Wtf?
I love every minute of talking to you.
I really do.
I love your sarcastic nature.
The way you express yourself,
especially when it comes to something that you love to argue about.
That's the fun part.
You rant.
A lot.
...
You have no idea just how much you've changed me.
Before I met you...
I took everything too seriously.
Now, I know when people are joking.
Annnnnnd when they're not.
I really appreciate you for that.
So, I just want to take the time to thank you.
Thank you. :]
(Even if you are leading me on)
I'm not sure why I like talking to you.
You make me feel special.
Like I have a purpose on this world.
You may not express it fully.
But when you do...
It means the world to me.
One day.
I hope I have the courage to tell you how I feel.
That day will come,
and when it does.
you'll know how I feel.
I won't have to hide it any more.

And so it begins.

Just mentally preparing myself for the hurt coming up.
I knew this was going to happen.
I can't stay happy for more than a week, without SOMETHING going wrong.
Or maybe I do it to myself.
Either way, I hope this doesn't follow me into my future.


I hope you read this and go,
"Who is she talking about?"
Then realize that you're that one.
We talked every night for about two weeks,
Late at night.
You never guessed that I may have liked you.
I know nothing will happen between us.
You like me?
Never will.
I'm not what you're looking for.
You never asked me,
so you will never know.
Hopefully,
one day, you'll come to your sense's.
And ASK me how I feel about you.
I'll tell you.
I'll ask how you feel about me,
you won't return the same feelings back.
I know this,
because there are three others.
Three others that you can't see yourself dating.
They aren't what you're looking for either.
How do I know this?
You told me.
Unsuspecting that I would be hurt by your words.
You didn't intend to hurt me,
You didn't know how I felt.
Understandable.
Maybe I should make it more clear?
No.
I will not allow myself to get hurt.
I've told you once.
Quite a while ago..
You never said anything back.
Just completely changed the subject.
How did I feel?
Not that bad considering I never let my feelings grow before I told you.
Why not?
I'm not sure.
How do I feel now?
I like you more than I did before.
I don't quite know what it is about you,
but something about you draws me in,
maybe it's the fact that you scare the living daylights out of me.
Or maybe you just have this aura around you,
that draws me in.
Makes me want you.
Maybe,
Just maybe, It's your personality.
How you can change it,
in person?
Happy, spazzing out even.
Computer?
Depressed, excited for the most ridiculous things.
And I love every bit of it.
All and all,
I hope you'll read this,
and KNOW now how I feel.
...
-Paige.
<3